Stranger's Things

Turned Upside Down. Lifted From Pockets.

HotSquatch heard "Stranger Things" was popular. He did not watch it. He did not understand it. But he wanted in.

For three weeks, our 12-foot Director of Cryptid Relations roamed the streets of [REDACTED], turning things "Upside Down" — bins, coat pockets, handbags left momentarily unattended — to curate this Limited Edition collection.

We asked him to stop. He would not stop. So here we are.

Stranger's Things™ — A five-piece collector's set of items liberated from the pockets of complete strangers. Each piece comes with a Certificate of Authenticity and our sincere apologies.

HotSquatch insisted these were valuable. We have chosen to believe him.

The Collection

Five artifacts from the Upside Down (of someone's handbag)

#1 of 5

The Butterscotch

Lifted from: A granny on a park bench, Clapham Common

"Slightly fuzzy. Pre-loved. She didn't notice — she was feeding pigeons. HotSquatch says she 'seemed nice' and felt bad about it for almost two hours."

Origin verified. Fuzzy coating is original.

#2 of 5

The Key

Lifted from: Someone's pocket, Northern Line

"Opens something. We don't know what. HotSquatch describes the previous owner as 'a man with a coat.' We have chosen not to investigate further."

Metal composition unverified. Do not attempt to use.

#3 of 5

The Receipt

Lifted from: A bin outside Tesco, Balham

"Dated March 2019. A historic document from the Before Times. Items purchased: meal deal, paracetamol, something illegible. A window into a simpler era."

Pre-pandemic artifact. Handle with reverence.

#4 of 5

The Pen (Half)

Lifted from: An office worker's jacket, bus stop

"The good half. Still clicks. HotSquatch insists the other half 'wasn't worth taking.' We did not ask follow-up questions."

Ink status: uncertain. Clicking mechanism: functional.

#5 of 5

The Lint

Lifted from: Unknown origin

"HotSquatch cannot recall where this came from. He says it 'spoke to him.' 100% organic mystery fiber. Possibly sentient. We make no guarantees."

Composition: fabric particles, hope, dust. Provenance: the void.

Certificate of Authenticity

DEFINITELY REAL PRODUCTS INC.

This certifies that the enclosed item(s) were obtained by HotSquatch, Director of Cryptid Relations, through methods we have chosen not to examine too closely.

Each piece has been verified as genuinely belonging to a stranger at some point. We cannot confirm they wanted to part with it.

HotSquatch's signature. He's very proud of it.

$49.99

Complete 5-piece collector's set with certificates

Collect Now

What People Are Saying

"I paid fifty dollars for someone else's lint. I am not okay." — Marcus, questioning his life choices

"The key doesn't open anything in my house. I've tried every door. Why can't I stop trying?" — Jennifer, sleepless in Surrey

"HotSquatch signed my certificate. It's just a large muddy pawprint. I've framed it." — A satisfied customer, allegedly

"My therapist says the butterscotch represents my abandonment issues. I think it represents butterscotch." — David, overthinking it

<< Return to reality

Stranger's Things™ is a production of Definitely Real Products Inc.
"Making things you didn't know you didn't need since 1997"

Stranger's Things is not affiliated with, endorsed by, or in any way connected to the Netflix series "Stranger Things." We just have a very confused sasquatch on staff who heard it was popular. All items were "found" in public spaces. We make no claims regarding their previous ownership status. HotSquatch has been asked to stop. He has declined. Definitely Real Products Inc. is not responsible for any existential crises arising from paying money for lint. The Upside Down is a bin. We are sorry.